it’s wednesday morning, i’m off of work for the day and it’s getting near the time when you have to have coffee or you will fail at all attempts at anything for the day. i suggest to my sleepy roommate (who’s actually awake before noon!!) a walk to the nearest starbucks and conversation, and in yoga pants, an oversized michael kors watch, and black havaianas flip flops, we are on our way. 

upon noticing the new starbucks + rodarte collaboration and christmas cd’s placed at the cash register, we order, pay with our starbucks app, wait at the bar and seat ourselves in the middle of the arena with the intention of non-stop chatter. you know when you get in that mode where you just talk and talk and talk and fail to notice your surroundings until the person in front of you starts to speak with nothing that requires your complete attention and your eyes actually get the opportunity to wander? that was me. so with eyes beginning to wander, a guy sitting behind my roommate with headphones and cuffed chinos appears. HI STRANGER! I unintentionally, of course, interrupt my roommate, with the well thought out response, ‘He’s hot.’ She turns around immediately, which i’m not mad about because he was looking down and didn’t notice the one rule girls instantly adapt in high school when mentioning someone.

throughout the rest of the time seated in the middle of the half starbucks half bank, i couldn’t help but notice the hot guy, his outfit, wonder what the fuck he was listening to, and of course how to get in contact with him. i nonchalantly post a fb status, tell the few friends i’m in mid-text-conversations with in, and continue to plot. FINALLY IT COMES TO ME. i write my number down on a napkin, give it to my roommate (who was growing extremely impatient with me at this point) and tell her i’m going to ‘take a call outside,’ and to give this guy my number.. you know, as if she’s being the cool friend helping the bashful friend out. happens all the time, right? 

we walk home, we proceed to talk about it, she continues to tell me how young this guys looks and we try to figure out the origin of his accent. (the roommate is a lousy accent-impersonator.) suddenly, while already signed on to FB i get a friend request from a girl i don’t know, and FOR SOME REASON, because i don’t even approve people i DO KNOW, i accept the friend request and start to investigate the scene. have i met her? do i work with her? etc etc. and then the IM pops up..(clearly responding to my how do you give a guy your number at starbucks post), it reads “bitch you might want to ask the guy if he has a girlfriend, cause he did. so just stay the fuck away next time, whore.” 

mouth floored, jaw dropped, what the fuck, i’m being redundant. I’M LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY. I scream out of hysteria to show my roommate, i text those mid-text-conversationers again, and now everyone is in on the FIFTEEN YEAR OLD high school girl trying to punk me out. OF COURSE I RESPONDED. ‘sorry i didn’t know my friend even gave him my number..blah blah.. you’re twelve years old, why am i explaining myself..no one is being a whore here…bye.’

she actually ended up being really nice and apologetic for being ‘irrational’ and i honestly wasn’t as sarcastic as i wanted to be, because hey, i get it, you like your ‘college’ boyfriend and he means a lot to you. sooo now, what’s a good website for online dating, because apparently we need an ‘in a relationship’ or ‘single’ statuses labeled on our fucking foreheads. apparently now, going out to have coffee and ending up giving a stranger your number makes you a whore.. at least in fifteen year old standards who are probably in home-room right now. i’m sorry, unnecessary. but how the fuck are we ever supposed to get out of our inner-circles and cliques if there are repercussions for getting out of your comfort zone and being friendly? why have girls adapted the need to call every other girl she doesn’t know a bitch? why why whyyyyyyy. i guess you can say i’m a little bitter about this not-so movie like scenario and even more hesitant about dropping a napkin with my number on it in the lap of a good looking guy..kid, college kid? 

easy to say, i don’t think my roommate is ever waking up this early and going to coffee with me ever again.

p.s. me and the girlfriend are no longer friends on facebook..unfortunately.